45 seconds of Ecstacy

She got me to go to a concert of Meat Loaf... You know the one... Big, Sweaty, Loud... As he is almost 61 already, I wanted to see one of his shows before he quits, so I agreed to tag along. BAD MOVE!


I should have just kept to my cd's... Maybe watch a videoclip of "Paradise"... But noooooH, I had to go out and see him!!!!


He stood there on stage like he was autistic, drunk or high, never once sang on cue, made words without using any vowels, which he made up entire songs with... And then the sounds that came out of his throat... I GOT PROOF!!! HERE!!!


The band was good... Not great, but good. You cannot play all songs like extended (12") versions on a slow beat so the singer can keep up. They should however be rewarded a medal for being on the same stage, while trying to put up a show... The same goes for the singers: at least they did what they were paid to do...


I made some new lyrics to "45 seconds of Ecstacy":

45 seconds of ecstasy
How do you dare to stand in front of me
Drunk or high or def on three
45 seconds of ecstasy
45 seconds of ecstasy
Cuts right through the believability
This is were the show ends for me
After 45 seconds of AGONY


So to end this rave, like Meat Loaf said:

I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!


BooooooBaaaaaH!
(I guess she can make a nice scrap-project out of this one)
Gotta mail today from MOJO concerning my complaint:
"Dear visitor,

We read the complaints about the performance of Meat Loaf last monday in Heineken Music Hall. We found the perfomance below standard ourself, we did not talk to Meat Loaf but we know that upfront he was full of confidence to put up a good show. He said to be in topshape. He did not however perform to his full potential. Which shows that artists are human too. He did play his full set, did not gave a sloppy performance and tried his best. Meat Loaf and his management do not give back money to the visitors. Our task, being the productional organisation of the concert, is performed good, so we do not compensate aswell. We are devoted to organise good concerts and events, but the part ON stage is a commitment of the artist. We are sorry that you have a negative feeling about the concert.

Mojo Concerts"

BarBi-Que

Looking at the wheater reports for the last couple o' days, gets me thinkin' bout BBQ... But there's always this hustle and all that makes the BBQ a lot of work...

1. MAN gets BBQ & coals from the shed
2. WOMAN cleans grill of BBQ
3. WOMAN goes to the greengrocer
4. WOMAN goes to the butcher.
5. WOMAN goes to the bakery.
6. WOMAN prepares salads and vegetables.
7. WOMAN prepares the different meats.
8. WOMAN puts all meat on a diss together with all other BBQ necessities, such as herbs etc.
9. WOMAN brings cleaned grill and dish to MAN, who stands there waiting while holding a beer.
10. MAN puts meat on the BBQ 1 by 1.
11. WOMAN sets table.
12. WOMAN checks vegetables she is cooking.
13. WOMAN prepares dessert.
14. WOMAN comes outside to tell MAN the meat on the BBQ is burning.
15. MAN takes burned meat off the BBQ and gives it (on a dish) to the WOMAN.
16. WOMAN takes plates and brings out the tableware.
17. MAN pours drinks.
18. WOMAN cleans table and makes coffee.
19. WOMAN serves coffee and dessert.
20. WOMAN cleans table again.
21. WOMAN does dishes and cleans kitchen.
22. MAN leaves BBQ be, there are still some coals burning.
23. MAN asks WOMAN wheter she is happy she did not have to cook today.
24. MAN sees WOMAN looking flabbergasted and concludes:

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE WOMEN...

BubBAH!

Tools

As this is the summer holiday season, loads of pictures will be taken, some good some bad...

And for those that ain't exactly perfect, you need tools... For any hobby, as we men know!

But what happens when you let housewifes get busy with photographs that need (minor) corrections? Like the eyes.. They immediate grab a red-eye pen and...

BubbAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

THE RULEZ!

Here's something to help you through the wekend... Most probably (when effected) this will give you so much relief, it looks almost as if you were SINGLE again... So be aware of the consequences!!!


THESE ARE OUR RULES!


1. Men are NOT mind readers. Tell us what you want, don't make us guess.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Just let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we're never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Penthouse girls, don’t expect us to act like "As the world turns"-guys.

1. If you think you’re looking overweighted, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercial-breaks.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what "Mauve" is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we'll act like nothing’s wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.. . Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss such topics like baseball, soccer or multimedia.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind? It’s almost like camping... Drinking beer, watching the fire, living out of a backpack and no burshing teeth!!!



Have a nice weekend!

BubbaaaaaaaaaaaaH!

Holiday Season

Yes, I know... I haven't posted for some time...


I've been kept busy! She wanted to change the look and feel of her site, but guess who had to make those changes to the stylesheets and HTML? CORRECT, ME!!! And to make things complicated I also had a terrible headache (which lasted for 2 weeks - due to some tension???)



I came across this site where you can get T-shirts, that will definitely get you on the good side of your scrappin' spouse... So as we approach the Holiday season, I wanted to make sure that you got your shoppinglist up-to-date!


Have fun!
BubbaH!

Sports

Remember I told you that Sunday is THE evening for men to watch a weekend full of sports? But you never get the chance to watch as the reporter (no matter how loud the sound of the speakers) always has great difficulty to get over the amount of noise she makes when scrapping... I hear you wondering "how?"...

It ain't the scissors and paper that make the noise! No is her! Yabbing all the time! To friends on the phone while scrapping... or worse... scrapping with friends!!!

Wanna keep her quiet??? I got this hint on Saturday (in a scrapbook store - from a scrapbooker) overhearing a conversation between two women, where one said to the other that she "could sit, watch quietly and enjoy" her paper collection just by pulling it out and sit and watch...

So next Sunday, bring out her whole collection of paper (and be sure to pull out the new hambly - it smells like Vanilla), set her up in a corner and...

ENJOY THE GAMES!!!

BubbaH!

Definitions

Definitions of words are multiple... Same goes for Scrapbook!

I found this one and thought that it might come in handy (maybe even for your wives)...

http://amb.vis.ne.jp/mozilla/scrapbook/

This is a plug-in for FireFox (sorry for all those that use the Virus-spreading Internet Exploder)... With the plug-in you can save complete webpages with pictures, links etc... Have fun with it; you got all weekend!!!

Have a great weekend!
BubbaH!

My Scrap Works...

I was asked a couple of months ago by My Scrapworks (a Manila-based e-zine) to do something to make women understand how their husband SUFFER their scrapbook reign...

It turned out to be an interview...

Yes, I'm proud to be in their e-zine, although I'm not the one to flourish in the spotlight... Just let me be and I'll be fine...

But now without further ado I give you: ME

I hope you enjoy it as much as I have... It's been a blast!

BubbaaaaaaH!

BTW: the link for Scrap-a-little-sunshine is here!!!

Women & Technique...

REMINDER: I AM NOT NAMING ANYONE SO NO ONE SHOULD FEEL OFFENDED

Y'all know them: those women with those big SLR cameras around their necks snapping pictures of everything their kids do... Making like a million pics of their sprouts... And to make all those pics they have loads of memory cards... BUT WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN ALL THOSE CARDS ARE FULL???

They buy a picture tank! (for those of you who do not know: it's a portable harddisk with battery, card slots and... MOST IMPORTANT: 1 action button - IT'S MADE FOR WOMEN!!!)

And once they get home they hook it up to they PC and guess what... THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET THE PICS OFF!!! and who are they gonna call??? ME!!! and who got that tank to work??? ME AGAIN!!! and who burned those pics on a DVD so they only have to copy them back to their PC??? OF COURSE ME AGAIN!!!

I just hope that they know how to use that dvd...
Women and technique... I guess it's just NOT DONE...

BubbaH!

HOLY DAY!

As you can see, I am off to a well deserved holiday! All this scrapping is making me very tired... And I do not even do the scrapping myself! Just the thought of 2 weeks NO SCRAPPING makes me happy... (wonder what she thinks???) Maybe expanding to Turkye??? Multinational???

And the kids? Well, one of them is having his own blog... "Me & My Camera" about the way he sees life through his camera (and boy does he see a lot...), guess he'll be taking lotta pictures! Check it out HERE!!! The other one will probably just have a blast from start to finish...

See y'all in 2 weeks... If you got any good gossip... POST IT!!!

Bubbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

TIP: If you camera breaks down...

TRY THE XEROX!!!

Oh and to keep y'all busy! Try this barcode...
Want one for you??? HERE!!!

Symbol of Love?

How come their hobbies always cost so much more that ours? I for one don't spend any money on hobbies... I don't have any hobbies... My wife keeps me so busy with hers, I have little time to do the thing(s) I like... Like this blog for example: she thinks I am hard at work while I am trying to fill this post!!!

Man am I glad she has a business account! (be sure to read the prenuptuals)

BubBAH!

How to keep a scrapbooking woman happy?

Is it difficult?
Nah, you only have to be:
1. a friend
2. a pal
3. a lover
4. a big brother
5. a father
6. a teacher
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a technician
12. an interior decorator
13. a designer
14. an exterminator
15. a psychologist
16. a shrink
17. a healer
18. a willing ear
19. an organizor
20. a good husband
21. clean
22. Sympathetic
23. Atletic
24. Warm
25. Polite
26. courteous
27. Intelligent
28. funny
29. Creative
30. Tender
31. Strong
32. Understanding
33. Tolerant
34. Patient
35. Ambitious
36. Capable
37. courageous
38. determined
39. Loyal
40. dependent
41. Passionate

LET'S NOT FORGET TO:
44. Give her compliments (often)
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be filthy rich
48. Never make her nervous
49. NEVER look at other women

And of course:
50. Give her loads of attention, but do not expect too much yourself
51. Give her lots of time, just for her
52. Give her space, do not wonder where she is going

But above all it is VERY important that you:
53. Never forget her birthday
54. Never forget your wedding anniversary
55. Never forget an appointment she made

How do you keep the husbands satified?

1. Leave hem be
2. Give him food
3. Let him handle the remote

JEEZ!! MEN CAN BE SO DEMANDING!!

BubbaH!

Women and Money...

OK. I know I have neglected you, and I will make up for it, but I have valid excuses...

I've been sick (Yes again), I've been tired out (close to a burn-out which is most likely the cause for my being sick) and I've been finishing the scraproom...

I just want to leave you with a little something...

Bubbahahah!

Weekend & Customs

How was your weekend? Did your wife bother you with any nignags? As said before, mine was off for 2 days... so I had a perfect weekend... Me and the boys have been cocooning all weekend! Had Patat, Pancakes & Pizza for dinner, Chips & Tosti's for lunch & cookies & candy for breakfast!!! Watched loads of TV (Nickelodeon), played all the online-games we could find & even some Gameboy-stuff...

Although most of you will probably never have to experience trouble with customs, here's a little something on how to fool them... If you have a supplier that wants to "work" with you they will lie on the commercial value of the goods... However, if they do not want to "help out", they will fill in the actual value and you'll have to pay the whole impot-duty and VAT-amount... Which will reflect on the price!

I'm not saying I'll be the one with the hat!

BubbaH!

Early warning signals

10 Signs of a Scrapbook Addict

Here is a list of signs that might indicate your wife being addicted to scrapbooking:

1. Your wife is the only one at a social gathering yelling, "Just one more photo, people; I don't have enough for a mini-album!" (even though she used all of the 2Gb on the memorycard available)...
   
2. They can find blue screen photo split backs in all the unusual places--school lunch bags, briefcases, pants pockets, the dog's water bowl, your used tools in the garage (that you forgot/didn't have time yet to store)...
   
3. A regular sandwich is no longer acceptable--it must be cropped or cut with decorative edges. Wondering why your co-workers act strange around you at lunchtime???
   
4. Your wife tries to claim her scrapbook purchases as medical expenses 'cause it's considered "therapy"; if this one is accepted, maybe there is still hope that we can claim CABLE TELEVISION aswell...
   
5. She buys a new pink swimsuit because it matches the pink photo mounting paper. Just wait what she bought for you...
   
6. Your child is the only one in agriculture class who thinks "crop" is to "cut your photos."
7. Your wife decides to get your child piano lessons so she'll be able to use the musical instrument stickers that are in this month's kit.
8. Your wife has YOU redecorate your family room to coordinate with her photo album covers.
9. Your three year old wants to know if her coloring book is "archival quality".
   
10. You're in a fender bender and your wife's first thought is, "I wonder what die-cut shape will coordinate with this event?" And she is still wondering why you gave her the "evil eye".
    

And of course a scrapbook addict doesn't follow a 12 step program but a 12 x 12 step one.

BubbaH!

A look into the wicked brain of a scrapbooking wife...

First:

Happy Birthday Michael! My son turned 6 today!

Second:

It happens every day.
An otherwise in control women comes to the counter to purchase scrapbook supplies. Once she sees the total, she will state "My husbands going to kill me!"

Are we really ogres who yell every time they spend a penny on Scrapbooking supplies?
All your wife failed to do was conceal or properly explain her spending habits. And how does she do that, you ask? Here are a few of my favorites.

1. Watch for destroyed evidence. She probably tossed all bags and receipts in the trash at the curb. She also slipped her supplies into existing stash (hoping we'll never know).
2. Cook the books. After she made a purchase she'll substitute the name of the local grocery store for the store name in the check registry and when we ask where all the money goes, she tells you, "Hey, we have to eat" Caution: Watch out for duplicate checks!
3. Bribed kids. She'll keeps all potential informers on the payroll. An allowance raise or unlimited Game time might buy their silence, however with toddlers, all bets are off (they will be our most likely allies). Thinking, if they can sell them Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. She'll think of something.
4. If all efforts at concealment fail and she is caught unpacking her latest purchase, these last ditch excuses will be most likely.
a. She had that like forever! If she followed Tip 1, that would be easier than if a dated receipt is hanging out of the bag.
b. It was on Sale! This excuse does not generally go over well with men, but she will try.
c. The Guilt Trip. "I was working on your album as a surprise but now just forget it!" Most effective when she tries to accompany that by hysterical weeping.
d. Changing the subject. She will ask if you've been working out lately. she will try to give you "that look". She will make you forget what you were asking in the first place.
e. When all else fails, she will DENY everything!

These comments are based on fictional persons; any resemblance is pure coincidence...

Bubbah!

Sharing hobbies

Does your wife uses the computer like 24/7 to MSN, Mail or Blog? Does she complain about all the unfinished projects laying around?

I found a solution:

If your wife would let you use the computer more often, she would actually get more scrapping done!

She happy, We happy!!!

Bubbah!