Here's something to help you through the wekend... Most probably (when effected) this will give you so much relief, it looks almost as if you were SINGLE again... So be aware of the consequences!!!
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
1. Men are NOT mind readers. Tell us what you want, don't make us guess.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Just let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we're never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT!
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Penthouse girls, don’t expect us to act like "As the world turns"-guys.
1. If you think you’re looking overweighted, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercial-breaks.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what "Mauve" is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we'll act like nothing’s wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.. . Really .
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss such topics like baseball, soccer or multimedia.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. ROUND IS A SHAPE!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind? It’s almost like camping... Drinking beer, watching the fire, living out of a backpack and no burshing teeth!!!
Have a nice weekend!
BubbaaaaaaaaaaaaH!
